There Goes The Neighbourhood

[kilimesoftly]

It didn't happen overnight. These things never do. It took time to spread, to break quarantine after quarantine. There had been hopeful and optimistic news reports once the media blackout was over. The internet was buzzing with random cures and self help guides to keep yourself and your loved ones safe.

Kili, ever cheerful though he is, never bought it. It'd been hard to when you could look outside and see the neighbourhood emptying out, or when entire sections of London became deserted. It'd been harder to after his uncle and cousins brought him and his older brother along to Tesco's to loot the place for food, for supplies, for anything other, previous looters had left behind.

Six months after the first wave of infections, the world was doomed and Kili knew it. A year after and it's all become normal.

"Tell me we get to head out of Belgravia today," he whines at the kitchen table. The entire block has become home to him and his relatives, the family manor on the corner and the streets leading into it barricaded. Kili plucks at his bowstring in anticipation of a hunt. It's been two weeks since they've gone out of their personalized safe zone. He's itching.

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[kilimesoftly]

Ten minutes is just enough time to stand in front of the wardrobe and stare at it. Kili tells himself he's being utterly stupid. He'd spent only a week or so with the Captain. How could that be enough time to terrorize him about the thought of wearing clothing? He'd readily put on Fili's shirt a few days before his rescue, hadn't he? Now, he's not sure why his hands linger on the sleeves of shirts and yet he can't bring himself to remove it from the rack.

Fili will find him in intense concentration, yelling internally at himself to man up, to get over it. He had his cry. He had his examination. The wounds would heal, internally and externally. They managed to get a lot of untainted food as well, enough to sustain their sudden population growth, enough to allow them to eat well for awhile and not have to stretch what they grew themselves so drastically.

The squeak of the door, of Fili pushing it open, isn't enough to get Kili's attention. If he can't pull himself together soon, he thinks to himself, there's no point in being here. He won't be allowed out on missions... That would just kill him to be forced inside the walls forever.

[filidelity]

Normally, ten minutes would have been plenty of time with time to spare. But when Fili comes back, it's to a Kili who hasn't gotten dressed, although he isn't standing around with nothing on, either. No, he's still in Thorin's dressing gown, in front of the wardrobe as though choosing one outfit before going to bed is something he's doing for the first time. As though it takes more than picking out a shirt and a pair of trousers and throwing them on.

Maybe it would. (Today must have been the first day that Kili even had a full set of clothes back on at all.)

"Kili...?"

Fili steps closer after all, peering at the assortment hanging there for his brother. "Can't make up your mind?" He points out a couple of options, including a shirt on his side of the wardrobe. "What about those? Or you could borrow something of mine, if you're looking to share your scabs around."

Sharing clothes, willingly or otherwise, wasn't uncommon in the past – that is, until Fili's trousers tended to show off Kili's ankles. The length does let them breathe.

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Though his fingernails were shorn, Kili could feel them sink into the heavy wood as he tries not to utterly freak out. Fili probably wouldn't know how to deal with that sort of complete mental breakdown and honestly? He's not sure how to come back from it either. Once he lets go, really lets go, he doesn't think he'll be able to pick up the pieces.

For some reason, Fili's clothes seem a lot safer than his own and he nods, grabbing a red football shirt from his brother's side of the closet and a pair of cargo shorts. Length wouldn't matter but he'd be covered up.

"I was just thinking how I'd get mum to let me at her aprons next," he replies, forcing himself to step into those shorts. His teeth actually grit in the process. "Everyone ought to have a little piece of me by the end of the week, if you're lucky."

Fili's gentle smile, his willingness to be so understanding, gets him an armful of younger brother a moment later.

"I'm okay," he says, likely for his own benefit. "Everything's okay. Better than okay. Just don't let go for a minute or two, all right?"

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'Okay' he can buy today. But 'better than okay'?

There must be things about the past week that he doesn't know, things that Kili might never tell him. What he witnessed only briefly shook him up more than going through it for days did to Kili – that's Fili's hope, but his conviction wavers, now that he has his brother in his arms, asking him something that he shouldn't need to ask.

Fili doesn't let go, nor does he say anything about Kili's claims. He stands there, holding onto Kili, and searches for the right answer to give out loud.

"Kili," he says when the minute or two has ticked away. "You're right." His fingers tighten in the back of Kili's shirt, but he smiles at his brother. "We're home, thanks to you. We've got supplies and a few new hands around." Not all of them will want to go on future supply runs, but the food and getting out of there should do a lot for morale.

In that sense, everything may be better than okay. It's better than they could have expected, going in.

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"You're the hero," Kili whispered against the curve of the blond's ear. "When I grown up, I want to be just like you."

Other than a few nightmares that left him screaming in the dead of night -- a bad sign when quiet tended to be the name of the game these days -- and forcefully crawling into Fili's bed enough that he stopped even getting into his own anymore, Kili was doing well over the next few days.

Supplies might be good, mountains of toilet paper, shampoo, and food tested to be safe, but that hardly meant the weekly patrol couldn't go out. They'd never even known the Captain was a mile away from their home. Thorin wanted to make sure he found any other hostile bands before they themselves were discovered.

That meant separating Kili from his brother, who had had been following around a bit like a puppy, one eye always on his older brother.

He immediately volunteered to go with, but Thorin shot him down.

"Next time, Kieran."

It's almost a year since we started playing together! Thank you for all the amazing things. <3

[filidelity]

((I miss regular tagging with you so much.))


You're the hero stayed with Fili in the days that followed. Some hero, he thought then, every time that he heard Kili's nightmares and scooted over to make room on his bed. Every time, Fili the so-called hero could only pretend that there was nothing here to worry about anymore, that there hadn't been any screaming, and cross his fingers that Kili slept easier once he had someone he trusted beside him. He refrained from bringing it up or touching even his brother's hair unless Kili sought it out; they'd had their moment and normalcy seemed to be the best option.

But every time that Kili woke up screaming, Fili wanted one thing: Kili shouldn't go through this alone.

And so, when Thorin made his decision, Fili had to speak up. With a glance at his brother first, he turned to their uncle to try his luck, even though he could think of a few reasons why Thorin wanted Kili to stay home this time.

"Uncle, we need Kili. We've never done this without him."

Kili probably did need a couple days more at the least to rest, and maybe it was risky to take him along, but they both had to know that treating him like an invalid could be the worst thing to do to him.

A freaking YEAR. Holy crap!!

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Kili wasn't sure what to say. Fili was just trying to protect him in his own way, trying to stick up for him, but it felt so utterly emasculating. He was a grown man and yes, he had survived almost two weeks of rape, but that didn't at all mean that he couldn't stand up for himself, could it? How much had the Captain taken from him? Kili's face was almost ashen as he pressed his lips together. He was mortified.

Thorin, however, didn't notice any of that. He tried to take Fili aside instead but his brother simply wasn't budging and they didn't have time for this. "Not to be harsh, lad, but that's all the more reason he should stay home."

Kili was expendable. In the end, they all were. True, no one had lost life or limb on the raid of the Captain's territory, but that might not happen next time. It was all too dangerous.

"When you're better, Kili." When you're not waking the entire house up with your nightmares, really, was what Thorin was saying. When you're not struck dumb while carving potatoes for dinner and dissolve into shakes. When you don't almost hit your mother when she ruffles your hair... It could go on and on. No one asked. No one really wanted to know. Kili would never tell them what was going on anyway.

Kili swallowed and nodded. "No, no you're right, uncle," he said immediately, backing up in defeat. "Good luck." Sweet, simple, to the point. Kili was feeling claustrophobic again.

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"Uncle--"

Kili's acquiescence silenced Fili, his protests fizzling into nothing before he could even try again to persuade Thorin to consider what it would do to Kili to be told that he had to sit this one out, and because of what had happened to him. It would be the first time that only Fili went along.

When Kili was better? Acting normal hadn't helped; all it did was sweep what Thorin really meant under a rug full of holes. What anyone with eyes could see whenever some seemingly tiny thing made Kili flinch, what their ears heard on a nightly basis through thin walls. And some part of Fili knew that Thorin was right to make the decision he'd chosen to make. They couldn't take any chances. At home, it didn't endanger Kili or anyone around him if he froze up, but out around the city...

When Kili was better, then. He had to get better.

But the look on his face, the way he sounded, backing down... The way that Thorin had sounded, talking to Kili. Fili's gaze rested on his brother, worried and searching. He couldn't elect to stay home with Kili until he was fine to go – if anything, that would be no different from rolling Kili up in bubble wrap. It wouldn't be taken as sticking together through thick and thin, and he couldn't let the others down, either.

"Kili..." Fili raised one hand, but let it fall again without bringing it near his brother. "We might need that luck," he finished, "without you there."

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"You won't see them off?" Dis wasn't sure what to say to her son these days. He smiled often and brightly but the bulb was false and the light insincere. He was lost somewhere and she had no idea why. No one told her a thing. What she guessed, given the horror stories of one William Baggins was that her baby had been forced to eat human flesh.

That could take a toll on anyone.

And it had to an extent. But Kili's appetite was more or less normal. It was the only normal thing about him these days.

"Why? They'll come back or they won't," he replied to his mother, tapping his fingers on a guitar he hadn't picked up in ages. He didn't feel like playing but his fingers needed to keep busy.

What Fili would find out there that day with the team was nothing less that a spore cloud in the underground Kili had wanted to explore the last time they were out. Two clickers had sprouted fungus in one of the little shops and the first scout, normally Kili's job, didn't get his mask on in time.

Thorin took the matter into his own hands. He put a gun to the man's head and pulled the trigger himself.

At least Kili was right about there being sweets and toilet paper. But all Thorin could think on the way home, pack laden, was that if he'd let Kili go today, he'd not be coming home.

[filidelity]

There was a grimness to Thorin, more than there usually was. They hadn't lost anyone in months; they knew all the precautions to take and always made sure to take them. At the same time, they knew what they had to do if something went wrong. Today, Thorin did what needed to be done.

But it could so easily have been Kili who didn't act fast enough, who would have--

It wasn't Kili. Kili was at home. It wouldn't have been Kili, because Kili wasn't their first scout for nothing. Kili was good at it, Kili had gone with them so many times and come back with them. Kili would have come home this time, too.

Fili refused to think differently. He snuffed out every thought that turned the wrong way, banishing them as they tried to creep in with what ifs. He pinned his mind to getting home, where Kili was because Thorin had ordered him to stay behind, and he was glad that Thorin hadn't given in.

That was a thought turning the wrong way.

Nevertheless, it wasn't an unruffled Fili who stepped into his and Kili's room to tell Kili the news of their find – just the good part. His last step to take him through the doorway was jerky, and his eyes searched for the brother he knew was either here or somewhere else around the house, before he got a grip on himself.

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Sitting in the corner by the wardrobe, Kili peeked out from around the corner of the large piece of furniture and blinked somewhat owlishly at his brother. So maybe sitting in the dark with his guitar wasn't exactly normal but so little was these days that he could be forgiven. It was the look of relief on Fili's face that caused the younger of the two to get to his feet and pad towards him in bare feet. He'd at least gotten use to and comfortable with putting clothing on again.

Without touching Fili, Kili listened to the good parts of the story. He smiled to know that they had proper toilet paper again, he was pleased that his suggestion had been a worthwhile one, but he could guess, too, at the underlying cause of his brother's dissheveled appearance was that things hadn't gone too well.

That-- And he was still in his body armour.

Setting down the guitar, Kili moved his hands over the breastplate, pulling at the heavy duty velcro until it gave way with a ripping sound. He worked slowly and quietly, undressing Fili to his jeans and t-shirt.

"I missed you," he replied a few moments later, taking Fili by the hand and then pulling him into a bear hug. Tight. Unrelenting.

[filidelity]

In the darkened room, Fili could just make out where Kili was, and as Kili came closer, Fili met him partway. It was a good thing that it was dark in here; telling Kili how the team's trip had gone, with certain details missing, was easier if neither of them could see anything too clearly. It was easier to stall by promising Kili that he wouldn't be disappointed by what he was about to hear. Enough toilet paper, sweets – they'd finally gotten their hands on two of the most precious things they could think of these days.

What had Kili said before that fateful supply run?

It came rushing into Fili's head: If we can find toilet paper today, I'll be happy for a month! It was stupid to think what came next, because Kili wasn't a kid, even if he would never stop being Fili's kid brother, and it was overdramatic (which was usually more Kili's realm than Fili's), but those words seemed like the last moment of something innocent and carefree (which was bullshit; there was no one innocent or carefree around here), something that wasn't returning.

Fili stood still to let Kili take off his forgotten gear, quiet as he watched. Only when his brother broke the silence did he make a sound again himself, a louder intake of breath before his arms were around Kili's shoulders and he pushed his nose into Kili's hair.

Kili would have come home. Kili was right here.

"You didn't miss out on much," he said, his whisper hoarse.